


Love Like You

by Macremae



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Freeform, I think?, M/M, i dunno maybe, onesided Heiffel, pining Hilbert, post-season two, songfic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 04:14:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5770900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macremae/pseuds/Macremae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“Just like us,” he said, “it changed. Color is a lot better than probably a crapload of PTSD, but it kinda works.”</em>
</p><p>Hilbert ponders things. Eiffel shares music. The star does not care.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Like You

Eifel is broadcasting a transmission throughout the station. 

It’s a piano piece; a little jazzy, but calm. Hilbert listens to it as he stares out the window and thinks. 

_If I could begin to be_

Wolf 359 is still blue. Still defying all laws of science and reason. Still refusing to return to normal. Commander calls it a change. Captain calls it a threat. Hilbert calls it an anomaly. 

Eiffel calls it a metaphor.

_Half of what you think of me_

“Just like us,” he said, “it changed. Color is a lot better than probably a crapload of PTSD, but it kinda works.”

Thank you Eiffel. Did you think of that all by yourself? Astonishing.

Hilbert does not like the star this way. Comms officer’s idea is in his head, so now star becomes something new: a reminder.

A reminder that this change is ultimately because of him. That their nightmares, and near deaths, and crushing doubt is his fault. Things can never return to they way they were. Simple and clean answer. So why doesn’t he like it?

_I could do about anything_

It pulsates rhythmically, like an astral heartbeat. 

Onetwo.

Onetwo.

Onetwo.

How many heartbeats has he stopped? How many lives has he taken? Even he doesn’t know. Thousands killed by a bomb he made. A lover, desperate to join someone who was never coming back. A sick child who doesn’t know any better.

Hilbert always knew better. That was the rule: touch nothing. Say nothing. Survive and keep your ideas to yourself. He was always good at taking orders. Stayed quiet and hid in dark corners and boxes with his textbooks. 

The one who made it out.

The one who would be better.

Passed step one. Failed step two.

_I could even learn how to love_

Olga failed both steps. She was too loud, too young, too bright. There was no room for color in their town. The houses and shops and bunkers were painted in shades of brown and grey. Brown grass. Grey sky. Red ground when the bombs came.

Red everything.

_When I see the way you act_

Why did he tell Eiffel? What was so special about him that he was allowed to know? 

And why was Hilbert so sure that no one else on the station knew but them?

Eiffel did not appear to be able to keep secrets, but he could. Bad family. Bad choices. Bad lot in life. Hilbert had lied; they were very much alike.

Is that your excuse Hilbert? Is that your little “commonality”? You were always so good at logic.

Is that why you fell in love with a man who was destined to die?

_Wondering if I’m coming back_

Life is not fair; he knows this all too well. People die. Friends move on. AIs who cannot even touch give more than you ever could. 

Irony: the space station is more human than he is.

She knows. He knows. They sit in silence and mutual pining. Which one wins? Take a guess.

_I could do about anything_

“Cut the crap and make a decision as Dmitri Volodin sometime. You might find he’s not as dumb as you thought.”

Is he even still there? Buried under hundreds of lives and lies and wishes that flew away. A small boy with a dream and a sister who refused to let him give up. A ghost. There are many ghosts on this station. Some are his. Some are Lovelace’s. Some belong to Goddard Futuristics. All of them have something to say.

Monster.

Traitor.

Abomination.

Ghosts cannot lie. Hilbert wishes that they could. The only lies he tells are the ones that hurt.

_I could even learn how to love like you_


End file.
